I never saw myself getting into a position to be hurt by him in anyway again. Unfortunately my wanting me rid my house of the last of this stuff want just wanting to message him in general got the better of me. Sending him a message asking to send him his things.
I did know he would be settled into his new job now but only a week after telling me he never wanted to ‘hurt my heart’ again it was peculiar and quite off putting to receive cold messages back. I suppose my messages weren’t exactly warm but wasn’t he still in love with me a week ago. To be fair the begging email had been quite a while ago but the conversation after I replied told me he was still pining.
So why did he seem so disinterested in my text about his things. After trying to find out if he wanted me to bin it all or not I got ignored. Pretty harsh and childish but to be fair I suppose I was jealous of the idea that he was out touring the country with friends for work and I was at home in bed. I got so frustrated that he didn’t reply I ended up sending him message asking me to just reply because it would only take a second and a reply was a restful thing to do. Another cold reply. Well I was just upset this time. After that I expressed to him that I was just trying to be civil and wanted him to know that and couldn’t work out if he wanted the same.
The next day comes and my anxiety is pretty much through the the roof.
Whatsapp being the devil that it is I knew he was ignoring me. So I asked him if he wanted to be left alone or he was busy.
The came the reply, ‘I think I would prefer some space ATM. Sorry.’
Space? Space?!! He needs space. I’m the one who was cheated on, who has been begged back for, harassed for days and he needs space after one text conversation. Anger brewed in devastation. Was he over me? Just like that? Was he having such a great time in this new job that he was moving on? Had he met someone? This was all a week after a last heart felt (albeit short) text message. I was enraged and so upset. How had the ball been put in his court? That was absolutely not his decision to make. Well, I suppose he can do whatever he wants if he is over me.
I spoke to a friend of mine who was equally as enraged. I told my friend I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. My friend knew I wouldn’t have actually lost it with him, so he asked me what I wanted to say. I said I wanted to tell him that I was just trying to be civil, there was no need to ignore me and that it wasn’t your decision to make. I also wanted to say that he was the same guy that had messaged me that email weeks ago and told me he never wanted to hurt me and now this! I couldn’t believe it but my most sensible friend responded in a way I thought he never would, ‘do it!’ He said. Get those things off your mind for you and don’t harbour that anxiety he told me.
I messaged him and told him I would like one last conversation and I would leave him to it after that. Thank goodness he relied telling me he would call me after work. I would have felt like such an idiot. Such a hurt idiot all over again. I felt better already knowing he did want to talk though.
Then came the wait for him to finish work. Oh gosh. We hadn’t spoken in months. Perhaps this was all a terrible idea. I was about to find out…